Nunchaku, an illustration by Jack McLean

Tokyo Trip

by Jack McLean

Finally Mr W had managed to get the brothers to agree to come to Tokyo for a show.

The reason they had agreed was partially to do with Bob’s life long obsession with nunchaku. When he was eleven years old, just before his parents had disappeared, his father had sneaked him into the cinema to see ‘Enter the Dragon’ and ever since then he had been practicing with his nunchaku. He made his first set out of a pair of hammers and a chain and put them to good use rearranging ‘Nipper’ Alan’s eye socket on Sullom Voe main street soon after.

The flights from Sullom Voe to mainland, then to London, then to Tokyo were excruciating. The airport at Sullom Voe wasn’t so bad but the connection at Heathrow was just as Mr. C had described it, paranoia and shopping.

There was a great deal of idiotic suspicion from the security because of the way the brothers were dressed; kilts, sporrans and vests didn’t allow them to blend very well with the rest of the shell suit-wearing slob passengers.

The flight from London to Tokyo was long and boring. The first class cabin was uncomfortable and full of rude, privileged types. One wearing a top hat eventually got round to asking the usual questions;

“Are you making a movie?”

“Is there a rugby match on somewhere?”

“Are you in a band?”

“Are you from Scotland?”

Bob had written a kind of screenplay based on his story ‘A cut throat in my pocket’ a short history on the alternative uses of the old fashioned open razor he kept in his jacket top pocket in case of emergencies, but as yet hadn’t considered making it into a movie.

The Sullom Voe brothers hated team sports but liked boxing, fencing and archery.

Bill could play the ‘Twig and Branch Bagpipes’ but wasn’t in a band, (yet).

The Sullom Voe brothers weren’t from Scotland, they were from Sullom Voe.

They gave the usual answers, “No, no, no and no,” the top hat lost interest.

To kill the boredom they kept ordering single malts and by the time they got to Tokyo they were a bit intoxicated.

They got off the plane and followed the heard to passport control then to baggage reclaim but since they were travelling light scales they bypassed that and headed straight for the customs check.

“Passport please,” asked the Japanese customs officer as Bill and Bob stood in front of his table.

The brothers fished out their passports from their sporrans and handed them to him.

“No, one at a time, you go over there,” the customs officer indicated to Bob the table across from them, behind which stood a very attractive Japanese customs officer.

Bob took his passport back and crossed to the other table.

“Where is your luggage?” asked the very attractive Japanese customs officer.

“I don’t have any, we’re travelling light scales,” answered Bob.

“Excuse me?”

“Eh, we don’t have any luggage,” said Bob adding quickly, “We’re here to shop!”

The very attractive Japanese customs officer smiled and said, ‘Whisky, Golf, Sean Connery, Tartancheck, kawaii,”

Bob looked, smiled back and said “Yes!”

The very attractive Japanese customs officer handed Bill back his passport.

Bill and Bob turned to the exit and Entered the Dragon.